Most Likely to be Found in a Cave or Swamp in a JRR Tolkein Fantasy Novel:
(Ross) The Gload

Most Likely to be Found in Your Kleenex When You Have
a Gucky Sinus Infection:
Ian Snell...So I guess you would be (Chris) Snelling
if you are picking your nose at the red light.

Most Likely to be Found on an Exotic French Restaurant Menu:
Again....our friend, Ian Snell

Perhaps some rubbery unctuous escargot type thingie. So I guess you would be (Chris) Snelling if you were digging for them along the Seine. Or is it the Danube? But I don't think the Danube quite makes it to France but starts somewhere in Germany. I guess I should google it and find out. But I'm already here writng this. No wait. I'm not in school anymore. I'm not being graded on this. Ah Screw It! And if it means that much to you then YOU go look it up. OK, PAL!!?!!

Most Likely to be Silver Spoon Trust Fund Kids:
Kyle Farnsworth
Tyler Yates
Chase Utley
Clay Condrey
Cole Hamels
Russell Branyan
Heath Bell
Logan Kensing
Morgan Ensberg
Justin Verlander
Todd Wellemeyer
Josh Willingham
Macay McBride
Taylor Tankersley
Jonathan Papelbon....(I guess it's the 'Jonathan not John' that does it for him.)

Most Likely to Have a Close Encounter of the 3rd Kind:
Ryan 'Spilborghs" -Colorado Rockies ('06 rookie)

Most Annoying Mis-Spelling of Traditional Easy-to-Spell First Name:
Jhonny Peralta
Jonny Gomes
Jarrod Washburn (Wasn't the guy on Big Valley just plain Jared?)
Conor Jackson
Daryle Ward
Andruw Jones

Most Poetic:
Josh Bard
Replaces previous winners, ex-MLBers all: "Horace" Clarke
Steve Fire-"Ovid"
"Homer" Banks

Closest to Being a Trash Receptacle:
Ryan Dempster (If he closes out a game for Mike Hampden you will have the first Major League
(combined) win by a Hamster!)

Most Likely to Have Sung for the Band Rufus:
Shawn Chacon

Most Likely to be in a "Vs. Godzilla" Movie Coming Soon to a Theater Near You:
Chad Gaudin (pron. like Rodan, the giant pterodactyl !) (Replaces Previous winner Al Zarilla the '50s White Soxer)

Honorable Mention But Too Obscure to Win Award:
Phil Barzilla (Has pitched hardly at all at MLB level thus far but he's on the radar. Look out Chad.)

Most Helpful:
Scott Service

Most Compatible Pair:
Ken McBride & Buddy Groom

Ken being an AL all-star starting pitcher in '63. If
these kids don't get along then Buddy can always try
his luck with hitter Bake McBride but Ken shuld be the
ideal soulmate since he's a pitcher like Buddy.