Most Likely to be Found in a Cave or Swamp in a JRR Tolkein Fantasy Novel:
(Ross) The Gload
Most Likely to be Found in Your Kleenex When You Have
a Gucky Sinus Infection:
Ian Snell...So I guess you would be (Chris) Snelling if you are picking your nose at the red light.
Most Likely to be Found on an Exotic French Restaurant
Menu: Again...our friend, Ian Snell
Perhaps some rubbery unctuous escargot type thingie.
So I guess you would be (Chris) Snelling if you were
digging for them along the Seine. Or is it the Danube?
But I don't think the Danube quite makes it to France
but starts somewhere in Germany. I guess I should
google it and find out. But I'm already here writng
this. No wait. I'm not in school anymore. I'm not
being graded on this. Ah Screw It! And if it means
that much to you then YOU go look it up. OK, PAL!!?!!
Most Likely to be Silver Spoon Trust Fund Kids:
Kyle Farnsworth /
Tyler Yates /
Chase Utley /
Clay Condrey /
Cole Hamels /
Russell
Branyan /
Heath Bell /
Logan Kensing /
Morgan Ensberg /
Justin Verlander /
Todd
Wellemeyer /
Josh Willingham /
Macay McBride /
Taylor Tankersley /
Jonathan
Papelbon...(I guess it's the 'Jonathan not John' that does it for him.)
Most Likely to Have a Close Encounter of the 3rd Kind:
Ryan 'Spilborghs" -Colorado Rockies ('06 rookie)
Most Annoying Mis-Spelling of Traditional Easy-to-Spell First Name:
Jhonny Peralta /
Jonny Gomes /
Jarrod Washburn (Wasn't the guy on Big Valley
just plain Jared?) /
Conor Jackson /
Daryle Ward /
Andruw Jones
Most Poetic:
Josh Bard
Replaces previous winners, ex-MLBers all: "Horace"
Clarke /
Steve Fire-"Ovid" /
"Homer" Banks / Ozzie "Virgil"
Closest to Being a Trash Receptacle:
Ryan Dempster (If he closes out a game for Mike Hampden you will have the
first Major League
(combined) win by a Hamster!)
Most Likely to Have Sung for the Band Rufus:
Shawn Chacon
Most Likely to be in a "Vs. Godzilla" Movie Coming Soon to a Theater Near
You:
Chad Gaudin (pron. like Rodan, the giant pterodactyl
!)
(Replaces Previous winner Al Zarilla the '50s White
Soxer)
Honorable Mention But Too Obscure to Win Award:Phil Barzilla (Has pitched
hardly at all at MLB level thus far but he's on the radar. Look out Chad.)
Most Likely to Be Led Away In Chains:
Mike Fetters
Closest to being a Failed Gross Fast-Food Sandwich
Concept:
Seth McClung
Best Place to Buy One of Those Triangular Team
Pennants:
Al Spangler's Banners
Most Pleasantly Fragrant Fellow:
Ron Herbel
Borderline Hall-of-Famer Most Likely to Become So
Frustrated with the Veterans Committee that He Vows
Vengenace and Turns to the Dark Side:
(Darth) Vada Pinson
Most Popular With Typists Everywhere:
Don Wert
Worst Grades In School:
Charlie Dees
Least Likely To Shoot You Dead:
Larvell Blanks
Closest to Being a Diet Soft Drink:
Pepi Frias
Closest to Being a Sparkling White Wine:
Ken & Bob Aspromonte
Closest to being a Dr. Seuss villain
The Bobby Grich Who Stole Christmas
Most Whimsical: Jamie Quirk
Least Likely to Become an Inanimate Object: Robert Person
Most Studly: Paul Casanova (& Raul-more recent catcher than Paul)
Most Self-Congratulatory:
Angel Bravo/Darren Bragg/Glenn Braggs
Honorable Mention:
Curtis Pride and Todd Self
Most Helpful:
Scott Service
Most Compatible Pair:
Ken McBride & Buddy Groom
Ken being an AL all-star starting pitcher in '63. If
these kids don't get along then Buddy can always try
his luck with hitter Bake McBride but Ken shuld be the
ideal soulmate since he's a pitcher like Buddy.
