I have studied the stats for NYY flamethrower Scott Proctor and am quite impressed. In fact, I have studied his numbers so extensively that I am generally considered one of the pre-eminent proctorologists of our day.

With a name like Mark Redman it would be kinda funny if he pitched for the Indians or Braves. Oops. Was that not politically correct? Ya-neva-know these days.

Why does Overbay sound like Pig-Latin to me? I always figure someone's pulling my leg. Shouldn't Lyle Overbay be Ylebay Overbay? (pronounced AisleBay)

If we clone Alan Embree would the new pitching creation be Alan Embryo?

I can't draft Jason Repko onto my Fantasy Team on the grounds that he sounds like some wacky company of dubious credentials selling me very curious thingamabobs on late night TV. If I draft him, will Yahoo send me as a bonus some innovative fishing reel or perhaps an indespensable kitchen implement? I'm scared I may receive a pop music anthology record on 33 RPM vinyl which will include Run Joey Run and/or Butterflies for Bucky on it. "You just drafted Jason Repko. But Wait! That's Not All!!..."

I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE IN JESUS!...

Even though Felipe hit for more power and Matty hit for higher batting average. Yes, at the risk of being sacrilegious, an Alou brothers joke.

Ya know, I hope I'm not guilty of some unpardonable sin-like am I taking the Lord's name in vain?-with that silly joke. If so, that's a shame. That means you just can't have any fun at all. Before they decide whether or not to send me to eternal fire and brimstone as a result, I feel they should first at least look more closely at that cop I let go in front of me at the Dunkin's-we entered roughly at the same time- who proceeded to order coffee-all the various sizes made all different kinda ways- for everyone back at the station. The guy at work who always lets the paper run out in the copier so I have to refill it needs to be scrutinized more carefully as well. The guy who tried to get checked out at the '12 Items or Less' aisle with 13 items should be a definite goner (unless of course he simply lost count).

Headline: "Howie Runs Through 3rd Base Coach's Stop Sign to Score Winning Run"

Alternate Headline: "Kendrick Keeps On Truckin!"--'70s Funk Music enthusiasts rejoice. A joke just for you. Potential explosion? If (Renyel) Pinto slips and falls down flat on his ass while fielding his position will he instantly blow up upon impact?

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