Q: What awesome device lets you play movies, tape your favorite TV shows, and eat up all the ants that come into the house?
A: A VCaardvark
Q: From what country does most neckwear come from?
A: Made in 'Thailand' of course!
Q: Where do pencils come from?
A: Pennsylvania of course!
Q: Who's the Irish guy who sells lawn chairs?
A: Paddy O'Furniture
Q: Who's the German guy who lives all alone up in a cave in the forest?
A: Herr Mitt
Q: Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski?
A: The world's first Telephone Pole
Q: Who's small and blue and tells funny jokes?
A: Eddie Smurphy
Q: What's green and skates?
A: Peggy Phlegm
Q: What's green and slides down hospital walls?
A: Mucus Welby (M.D.)
Q: What's red, white, and blue and lives in a test tube?
A: Bozo the Clone
Q: Who's the little boy whose nuts grew every time he told a lie?
A: Pistachio
Q: Who invented Parmesan Cheese?
A: Peter the Grate
Q: What's brown and made of paper and lives in a bell tower?
A: The lunch bag of Notre Dame.
Q: What did Quasimodo call his son who was born with no deformity?
A: Humphrey
Q: What's big and gray and writes gloomy poetry?
A: T.S. Elephant
Q: Who rode about town on his horse yelling "Coming are the British! Coming are the British!"
A: Paul Reverse
Q: Who's that annoying gnat of a fellow from Ecuador?
A: Amos Quito
Q: In the jungle movies what candy does Jane feed Boy?
A: Tarzipan
Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: The same middle name
Q: What did the Icelandic guy say to the Pillsbury Doughboy?
A: Hey, nice tan
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: He wanted to make up for having a lousy summer.
Q: What was the inscription on the robot's tombstone?
A: Rust In Peace
Q: What's tall and purple and 5,000 miles long?
A: The Grape Wall of China
Q: What goes "Ha Ha Ha Plop!"
A: Somebody laughing his head off.
Q: Why did they call the boy 7 1/4"
A: His dad pulled his name out of a hat
Q: Will February March?
A: No, but April May before June.
Q: If an egg comes floating down the Mississippi River, where would it have come from?
A: A hen
Q: What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
A: Hey, nice belt!
Q: What do you get when you come across an insomniac-agnostic-dyslexic?
A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog
Q: What happened when the dyslexic tried to become a devil worshiper?
A: He sold his soul to Santa.
Q: How do you freak out everyone on the elevator?
A: Utter in a demonic tone, "I must find a more suitable host body."
Q: Why did they have a merger of Xerox and Wurlitzer?
A: So the new company could make reproductive organs.
Q: What do drummer Ginger Baker and coffee have in common?
A: They both suck without Cream
Q: What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
Q: What did the liberal arts major say to the business major, engineering major, and the science major?
A: Would you like fries with that?
Q: Why don't people say '288' in polite conversation?
A: It's two gross
Q: What's the self-help group created for compulsive talkers?
A: On & On Anon
Q: How do you make a duck into a soul singer?
A: Put him in the microwave till its bill withers.